Flying High Follies

September 14, 2018

 As a paratrooper with Uncle Sam, many of our practice jumps were on the weekend. Why? Many times our pilots were members of the National Guard and needed the flying time to maintain flight status. We could always tell as sometimes the plane was up and down like a Yo-yo. A lot of people were using air sickness bags.

 

During one flight a soldier started to make extremely loud retching noises and began to throw up into his air sickness bag. When he was done, his buddy grabbed the bag, dug in with his fingers and started to eat the contents. The entire plane grew quiet for a moment and soon, more soldiers than usual were vomiting. It was a mess.

 

It was also a joke. Before the jump, a soldier had filled a barf bag with an MRE called beef stew and put it in his cargo pockets. This meal had chunks of various vegetables and cubed beef all mixed together with a brown sauce. Oh, how I laughed.

 

Years later, I was in Bangkok waiting for my flight to head back home to the countryside of Thailand. Normally, when the first boarding call is announced, I get out of my seat and go wait in line. Because by that time, I am tired of sitting and just want to get the show on the road. But on this one instance, I did just the opposite. I waited until the line of passengers had almost boarded.

It was great. No line, no waiting. I felt almost like a VIP. Then I heard a loud commotion behind me. When I turned around, there was a lady being pushed on a luggage cart, retching into a trash can.

 

Guess who ended up in the seat next to me? It was a mess. I didn’t laugh once. You probably won’t either…

 What is this sniper thinking? That won't fit in the overhead.

 

Time flies except when the plane won't.

 

 Either you make your flight or you won't.

 

 We only dated once. That won't happen again.

 

 I hope he won't lose my luggage.

 

I won't want any doughnuts after this long wait.

 

 I won't be surprised if he has an accident soon.

 

 I hope that I won't be needing the heart defibrillator machine.

 

 I hope that I won't get yelled at by her.

 I won't pet that dog.

 

 I won't fly with just anyone...

 

 

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